I can feel it. I can feel it when I try to smile, when I try to eat, when I am stressed, when I am still talking at the end of a talk-ridden day. I can feel it when my eye drips unexpectedly or when my pocket of Kleenex to wipe my runny nose runs out. I can feel it now as I type this and try to focus on the screen with tear blurred eyes.
I have so much water still inside me. I can’t lift the eyebrow on the affected side of my face. So, it’s still there. The Bells’ Palsy. I think it’s waiting to go away. It’s tired of me too. There is something about myself I haven’t cured or discovered or figured out yet. Something that I haven’t changed. I can feel that too.
I get compliments that it looks like it’s gone – from looking at my face. The droopiness is gone. I don’t have to hold my face to talk more clearly. I can sip from a straw. I can spit. I can smile, but I don’t want to. That’s when I can still feel it. So, I have to force myself to do what used to come naturally. Smile.